They creep up slowly hiding their faces
Making no noise as they approach the scene
Being seen by nobody and masking their presence
But continually moving forward without hesitation
They position themselves to encircle me
And I become vaguely aware that something isn't right
But I carry on regardless, not knowing what lies in wait,
Ignoring the danger s that are waiting for me.
I go about my business
Usually trying to smile and laugh with people
Making conversation, and joining in jokes,
And sometimes forgetting for a while that there is anything to fear
I sometimes feel so in control of them,
That I can become untouchable
That my logical mind can reason them away,
Or my activity block them out.
But they are still there. Lying in wait.
Waiting for their opportunity to pounce
To catch me offguard
To frighten me,
And to make me feel so small
And so weak
And so helpless.
I find the tears welling up behind my eyes
Without any purpose or reason
Without any event to pin them on
And the sadness engulfs me,
And I am left not knowing what to do
Where to turn
No potential solutions seem sensible
I am paralysed
And all I know how to do is cry,
But all I can get is a few tears.
I feel the sobs inside of me,
Desperate to get out,
Desperate to make their noise,
Desperate.
But my face screws up,
My eyes let out a few tears
And then they stop.
Without removing the sadness.
And I don't know how long they will stay,
Or why they stay.
Or why they came.
But here they are.
Encircling me.
