Should I have told?

My head is feeling so weary
From the battle that is raging inside.
Its a battle my head is having with itself,
Which I don't know whether to hide.

A part of me knows its good to share stuff,
Knows not to keep it locked away.
In that sense, talking about it was good,
I have said what I could never say.

This side of me feels the tension inside,
When I think of God loving me.
This part of me knows that accepting that fact,
Is soemthing with which I have difficulty.

This part of me knows my feelings are real,
They're genuine strains on my heart.
This side of me is desperate to deal with it all,
But just doesn't know where to start.

And yet there's another side to the story,
One which I think is all lies,
But what if I'm wrong and its actually true?
Can you see the battle over which my heart cries?

That side thinks I have done wrong.
Exxaggerated small negative feelings.
These feelings don't even affect me that much,
And anyway, are common to most human beings.

So why should I make myself different?
Use this for seeking attention?
It frustrates me that I makes such a big deal out of it.
I just wish it had never got mentioned.

Of course I believe God loves me.
Of course I believe He cares.
I only get tense becasue I make myself think I am,
I should never, ever have shared.

I am stupid, attention seeking and proud,
And yet, no, I'm telling the truth.
But am I? I think I am.
But am I?