The conversations of last night haunt me,
The things I said and the way I said them.
I wish I could watch the evening back again,
So I'd know if its my head trying to condemn.
Has my mind distorted how I came accross?
I simply don't know what people now think of me.
I am living in fear that they all now hate me,
And shaking their heads at my personality.
I hate who I am and want to change,
To make myself easier to be around,
To be fun and relaxed less intense and less proud
And to stop my opinions from being so loud.
I've prayed for the fruit of the spirit to grow
To learn the discipline of quietness and peace
To open my heart to a sense of release
And for all of these battles in my mind to cease.
Oh God please quieten my mind.
I know I have to be obedient to you,
And listen and pray and spend more time with you,
But can I not try to be thin too?
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