Fat

Why am I so disgusting?
Why am I so fat?
Why can't I stop myself eating?
Why can't my stomach be flat?

I really really hate myself.
I hate myself so much.
I am gross, I am huge,
I can't feel my bones at one touch.

I like it when I refuse to eat.
That's when I feel in control.
I am a better person when I've eaten nothing.
It seems to make me feel whole.

I know I can do it for a while,
I have done it a few times before.
But when I lose it and have to eat,
I just can't help but eat more.

Except I can, but I don't,
Which really makes it much worse.
I want to succeed at refusing to eat,
Eating's a failure, to be terse.

When there's 'stuff' in my body I'm dirty,
I need to cleanse the inside.
I need to get rid of all that stuff,
I want to be clean and feel pride.

Pride in my achievements,
At making myself be thin.
At refusing to eat in spite of temptation
Its a battle I just have to win.

I don't want 'them' to find out,
But I also have to be thin.
I just want to lose a bit more.
Really, is that such a sin?

This is my goal - never to eat.
So what do I do when I'm stuck,
If for some reason I am forced to eat?
I must stop after a little and then chuck.

I must stop getting carried away.
Its never ok to go mad.
Chocolate, crisps, cheese and general fat,
Is simply and truly bad.

This is my life, this is my goal,
I will not eat unless forced.
This is my life, this is my goal,
To be thin.